


Dude looks like a lady

by Trash



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Other, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-12
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 07:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash/pseuds/Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love knows no gender. Or at least it doesn't for Chester</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dude looks like a lady

“Talinda is a dude,” Rob says one morning over breakfast.

Mike looks up, looks around, then frowns. He isn’t sure if this is just one of Rob’s jokes that he doesn’t get, since there are so many of them, or if he’s just cranky because Chester got to bring his wife along on tour whilst Rob’s girlfriend is on set of her new movie. Something with penguins or some other soft, fuzzy animal; who the fuck knows?

“She’s…a dude?”

“Yeah,” The drummer says around a mouthful of Lucky Charms, “Like, pre-op. You know?”

It’s hard not to imagine scalpels, blood, doctors hacking away at a penis with a blunt knife. “But she’s not.”

“She is!” Rob says, picking the candy pieces from the milk and eating them slowly, “Haven’t you seen her man hands?”

“Man hands…”

“Yes, Jesus are you an echo? I heard that one of the only parts of the body a surgeon can’t change is the hands. So transsexuals will always have bigger hands than normal women.”

Mike snorts and sips his coffee, “So she has big hands, that doesn’t mean she’s a…you know.”

“Yes it does,” Rob continues, “I’ve seen her dick.”

What can anybody say to that? Mike stares, open mouthed.

“Yeah,” says Rob, “She was coming onto me one night after a show and I was trying to push her away but then I felt…something. I figured it was like, a strap-on since Chester’s into that kind of stuff. But then when we were making out…”

“You made out with her!”

“Well wouldn’t you?” Rob asks with a raised eyebrow, to which he gets no reply, “My point exactly. Anyway, we were making out. And. Well. She’s pretty well hung. For a girl.”

Talinda has always been too good to be true, in Mike’s eyes. She swooped down out of nowhere when Sam left and took Chester under her wing, drying his tears and all that mushy romantic shit. And they fell in love, of course, and lived happily ever after.

She was so glamorous everybody stared – it was hard not to. She and Chester matched perfectly, even going so far as to buy lipstick in contrasting shades, nail polish that compliment the other’s outfit.

Mike had always wondered why Chester had never had kids with her; he’d always spoken about wanting a family and to settle down but he still hadn’t and it had been years. But every time he brought it up Chester snapped at him, gave him a glare that made him fear for his life.

Still, Mike feels like he was missing out on a big part of what is going on. And he is the glue, damn it, he deserves to know whose girlfriends are transsexuals.

“So…I mean, Chester must know about this. Right?”

“Yeah. I mean, all the signs are there. Her tits are so fake.”

“And she has a penis…”

“Yeah,” Rob says, “That too. But maybe he’s just into it. Besides, she’ll be getting it turned inside out eventually.”

“That’s fucking gross.” Mike groans, pushing away his toast, grimacing at the strawberry jam and thinking of severed penises. Or is it peni?

He keeps it all to himself until it’s time to rehearse and he approaches Chester who is sitting at the keyboard changing the sound from tuber to piano to synthesizer to piano and playing twinkle twinkle little star.

Mike clears his throat. “Um. I have something to ask.”

“No, it was not me who shat in the toilet on the bus. Why does everybody always accuse me!”

“No. It’s not that. It’s um, it’s pretty personal.”

“Okay,” Chester says, not one to be bothered about somebody probing into his personal life, “Shoot.”

“It’s about Talinda.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Rob…says…she’s…a he.”

“Oh he knows? Cool.”

Mike stares, wide eyed.

“What?”

He blinks, shakes his head, “Nothing. Just…I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew you’d react like this,” Chester smirks, “You’re disgusted aren’t you? What does it matter what’s on the outside. She’s an amazing person, and soon enough she’ll be completely happy with herself.”

“But she’s a he! A she-he!”

“What’s your point?”

“Why?”

“Have you ever actually been in love, Mike?”

And Mike’s heart sinks. Chester doesn’t say anything else, he just goes back to playing with the keyboard. And their conversation is over.

They have dinner that night. Their last dinner before Talinda goes home and the band leave the USA to tour Europe. Mike tries hard not to stare at the happy couple as they sit, champagne flutes in hand.

Rob elbows him in the ribs and the emcee ducks his head, goes back to eating in silence. Half of him wants to know what’s beneath Talinda’s expensive Valentino dress, and half of him wants to puke.

“It’s not the worst thing,” Rob says quietly so that nobody else can hear but only Mike, “Talinda having a dick.”

“Oh?”

“At least she isn’t flat in front like Ken. Or Barbie. With no nipples either.”

Mike rolls his eyes and lets his head hit the table.


End file.
